


The Great Johnny's Relay (How Hina Got His Tupperware Back)

by mearchuimhne



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band), TOKIO
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Idols, Multi, bunch of weirdos, johnny's entertainment is just one giant game of 6 steps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2466512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mearchuimhne/pseuds/mearchuimhne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was once a message board wherein Hina demanded his tupperwear back from Nino. So really this is Hina's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Johnny's Relay (How Hina Got His Tupperware Back)

**Author's Note:**

> The saddest thing about this fic? Figuring out the Tupperwear relay order. I made five separate lists before it worked.

_Ninomiya Kazunari_

In hindsight it was probably a bad idea to bring the Tupperware to Hina’s attention. Where all had been quiet on the Tupperware front – it was most likely that Hina had forgotten it existed entirely – now Hina had the idea to get it back, and Hina rarely let go of an idea.

"You don't even use it," Hina said.

Nino shifted on the couch, thumbing absently at his DS. "How do you know that, Hina? I might have developed a great attachment to it over the months."

(Ohno looked over. He needed exactly two seconds to know that Nino had not developed any sort of attachment to anything. From the indelicate snort that sounded through the cell phone, static-y, garbled, and far away though it was, Hina knew it, too.)

"You barely eat enough to feed a bird. What could you possibly need with Tupperware?"

"I have a lot of leftovers," Nino dead panned.

"From what cooking?"

"Jun's."

"Nino!"

Nino shifted the phone to his other ear, laughing. "Look, it's clean and ready to be picked up. I just never see you anymore. You're always working or out late with that Yokoyama."

(Ohno looked back at his napkin doodle and wondered if Nino meant to sound like an abandoned wife. He figured the answer was 'yes' when Hina's long-suffering sigh on the other end of the line brought a grin to Nino's lips.)

"Yes, because I'm cheating on you with Yoko,” Hina said dryly. “You knew that already."

"I thought last time it was Subaru."

Next to Nino, Ohno snorted softly. "That was _you._ "

Nino looked at him, then paused for a moment to think, and finally nodded. "Oh, yeah."

"Who's there?" asked Hina's voice, confused even through the phone.

"It’s Oh-chan," Nino said, "I'm cheating on you with Subaru _and_ Oh-chan while we wait for everyone to get here so we can film Himitsu all day."

Hina made a noise that sounded like acknowledgment. "Pack the Tupperware tonight and bring it when you're filming next, would you? I'd like it back."

Nino laughed again. "You just want it because I have it, don't you?"

"Do I have to say 'please'?"

"No, I'll accept a pink apron and a white headband next time you cook."

"Nino..."

Ohno chuckled and Nino elbowed him playfully. That only made them both laugh harder, ignoring Hina's indignant grunts at being ignored. Finally Nino stopped laughing long enough to speak.

"All right, all right. I'll try to get it to you by the end of the week."

That was how it started.

\------

_Aiba Masaki_

Since Nino was not going to be seeing Hina, or anybody else in Kanjani for a while, he brought the Tupperware with him when he stopped by Aiba's play rehearsal. His timing was perfect: The cast and crew had just stopped for lunch. Nino entered, Hina's Tupperware wrapped neatly in one of his best _furoshiki_ (by best he meant one that didn't have a tear in it) and labled with Hina's name.

Aiba bounced up, _bento_ box still in hand, when he spotted his band mate. He smiled widely and greeted Nino with a too-enthusiastic wave that nearly clocked a sound staffer in the head. Nino attempted, unsuccessfully, not to laugh as Aiba immediately began bowing and apologizing.

"I can't see people coming up behind me," Aiba said when Nino approached.

"That's why you check over your shoulder, Aiba-san," Nino said.

Aiba pouted, but his smile was in place a moment later. Then he noticed the package under Nino's arm. "What's that?"

"Hina's Tupperware."

"Tupperware?"

Nino nodded. "I'm not going to see any of them any time soon, but don't you and Yoko have a golf date soon?"

Aiba thought a minute, then nodded. "Yeah, I think we’re going this weekend."

"Give this to him to give to Hina for me?"

Aiba's lips twisted, clearly preparing to say no because Nino had been laughing at him, but he was weak to Nino's pleading eyes and Nino knew it. He broke after twenty seconds. "All right, I'll give it to him."

Nino placed the Tupperware into Aiba's hand, grinning. "Knew you would. Don't forget it."

"I won't, you ingrate," Aiba said fondly. If Aiba hadn't had a bento in one hand and tupperware in the other, Nino knew he'd have been subjected to some very serious hair-ruffling. "I give you no guarantees that Old Man Yoko won't, though."

"I'll tell him you said that," Nino said thoughtfully, and ducked a swat. He beamed. "Have fun with the rest of your rehearsal."

Aiba grinned. "I will."

\------

_Matsuoka Masahiro_

There had not been anything in the verbal contract about not using the Tupperware before the golf date Aiba was supposed to give it to Yoko during. In fact the blessing of the spare Tupperware came in very just that night, when Aiba found himself in possession of two meals' worth of leftovers, courtesy of a visit to his parents's restaurant.

That was how the Tupperware ended up not in Yoko's hands during their golf match, but in the hands of one Matsuoka Masahiro and his amusingly shaved head. (Amusingly shaved to Aiba, at least, and he had no intention of putting forth that opinion in Mabo’s presence.)

They'd made their plans and Mabo had actually met Aiba at the appointed place at the appointed time and had actually brought his wallet. They'd had several beers each when they got onto the topic of food, which brought them to restaurants, which brought them to the Aiba family restaurant, which led to Mabo telling Aiba that he'd never been but had heard about the gyoza, gave Aiba the bright idea to give Mabo the leftovers he'd just gotten.

("It wasn't my fault!" Aiba wailed the next morning, under an onslaught of pillow, "You know I can't say no to them, and Matsu-nii's never had the gyoza before."

"I just told Hina that he'd have it the next time he saw Yoko. Now I'm never going to see it again," Nino groaned, and continued beating him.

"I can ask Matsu-nii to bring it tomorrow," Ohno offered absently, scratching his nose, "We've got filming."

"Thanks, Oh-chan," Nino said sweetly.

He continued to hit Aiba, anyway.)

\------

_Ohno Satoshi_

Mabo brought the Tupperware to Kaibutsu-kun filming at six o’ clock in the morning and tossed it at Ohno while the lead was getting his make-up done. The Tupperware hadn't been washed of the leftover Chinese food from two nights ago, and Nino's 100 yen _furoshiki_ had been lost somewhere between Aiba's house and his, or maybe his house and the studio.

That was the highlight news of Nino's month.

He held out his hand to Ohno the next morning, quite ready to take the Tupperware back, and wash it, and then sit back and wait for the next opportunity to get it to Hina. Ohno shifted his weight and put his hand in Nino's instead.

Nino narrowed his eyes. "Satoshi."

"I, uh... I think Shige has it," Ohno said, smiling his best embarrassed smile.

Nino was silent for a long, long minute. He sidled up to Ohno's side and threw an arm around Ohno's shoulders. To his credit, Ohno did a masterful job of looking guilty and apologetic. Ohno tried not to cringe too much when Nino pressed his face in very close.

"Oh-chan?" he asked, voice sweet and soft. Ohno shuddered and broke out into a cold sweat. Nino smiled. "Why does Shige have Hina's Tupperware?"

"Well... we went fishing, right... and he forgot his bait box, and I had it in my bag, and it was empty, you know. So I gave him half of my bait. But... we were there for a little under 12 hours, and by the time we left I... kinda forgot about it."

This time Ohno did cringe away from the murderous glare that Nino offered. Glowering and promising certain death, Nino fished out his phone, hit several buttons, pressed the device to Ohno's ear and growled: "Explain, then I will kill you."

Ohno had never spoken so much or quite so fast as when Hina's voice answered.

\------

_Kato Shigeaki_

Kato Shigeaki was not exactly close with anybody in Arashi. He didn't have much of a reason to be, because NEWS and Arashi didn't do much work together outside of Countdown, and one did not just approach someone in Arashi for hanging out because one happened to see them in the street. Ohno was different in the sense that Shige felt that they were good enough friends for him to make the first step in suggesting a fishing date.

He didn't expect Ohno to make the first call, because Ohno rarely called, and especially not after they'd just seen each other. He really didn't expect Ninomiya to be the one on the other end of the line.

"Shige-kun? Ninomiya. I hear Ohno left you with Tupperware on your fishing trip?"

Shige blinked. "Uh, yeah. He forgot to take it back when we were done. Is there a problem?"

"Not as such. Long story, but that Tupperware is actually Hina's, and I have idiots for band mates."

There was a muffled noise which sounded a little indignant, like a protest, but also pained, like someone who was getting their toes stepped on.

"Anyway," Nino continued. "I don't suppose you're free enough to drop it by Fuji studios anytime soon?"

Shige pulled out his pocket calendar, gave it a perfunctory glance, and wrinkled his nose. "No, I’m sorry, Ninomiya-kun. I've got filming and dance rehearsals for the rest of the week."

The next sound that came was as weary a sound as Shige had ever heard. It gave Shige a mental image of Nino pinching the bridge of his nose, leaning back against a couch, or a wall maybe, his eyes shut tight.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Shige-kun.” Ninomiya’s voice was quiet now. He heaved another sigh. “Hey, you’ve got a show on NTV right? We’re not due in for a bit, but I can figure out a way to pick it up if you leave it with Hino-D."

Shige frowned deeply. Nino sounded so _tired_ and the man did have two movies to film for... "No, Ninomiya-kun, don't bother yourself. I'll come up with something.”

“No, really, Shige-kun. It’s fine.”

“It’s fine, Ninomiya-kun. I can get it to Ryo, or, or, or Yamapi and he can get it to Ryo. Don't worry, please."

"It's not too much trouble?" Nino asked, sounding hopeful but hesitant. "Really, I still see Hino-D a lot if we’re in the building, I can make time to pick it up."

"It's fine, it's fine, Ninomiya-kun. Don't worry about it at all!"

"Thanks, Shige-kun. Get Ohno to treat you to dinner sometime."

("You're a terrible, awful person," Ohno said mildly, taking back his phone.

Nino shrugged and smiled innocently. "What makes it happen, makes it happen. You can make it up to him when you take him out to dinner.")

\------

_Tegoshi Yuya_

Tegoshi came into the green room, giving a little skip through the door that he’d intended to end in a pose – but no one was there. He offered nobody a pout and slung his bag onto the couch, going straight for the coffee machine.

It wasn’t too much longer before the door opened again. Tegoshi turned to greet the newcomer over his shoulder. It was Shige, with a furrowed brow and an agitated step – he was clearly thinking about something troubling.

Tegoshi frowned and pulled out another mug. “Good morning, Shige.”

Shige’s head jerked up and he blinked. “Oh, Tegoshi. Morning.”

“Something up? You look lost in thought.”

“No, it’s nothing. Stupid.”

Tegoshi tilted his head, pouring coffee into the second mug. Shige sat down, but his brow didn’t un-furrow. “Doesn’t look stupid if you’re burning holes in the ceiling like that.”

Shige sighed gustily. “I have Tupperware and I need to get it to Ninomiya.”

Tegoshi blinked. That hadn’t been the response he’d expected at all. “Tupperware?”

“It’s Hina’s.”

“Hina’s Tupperware is going to Ninomiya?”

Shige drew a hand down his face and nodded. “I don’t even know why. I just need to get it to Fuji.”

“Don't know about Fuji,” Tegoshi said. He smiled and held out the coffee over Shige’s shoulder. “I could give it to Nagase-sempai. We’re going for dinner tonight and he's at TBS. Doesn't Arashi work TBS a lot?"

Shige stared at Tegoshi for a long time, as long as it took him to move his hand agonizing centimeter by centimeter before he took the mug from Tegoshi’s hand. Tegoshi looked back at him in confusion.

“What?”

“I think I might love you,” Shige breathed.

("Don't worry, Ninomiya-kun. Tegoshi will definitely be able to get it to the studio.

"... You'll understand if I reserve my thanks until I have it."

Shige supposed he did, but he made a petulent face at the phone, anyway.)

\------

_Nagase Tomoya_

"Tego-nyan..." Nagase started, eyebrows dipping imperiously over his eyes. He pointed. "Why are you bringing Tupperware to dinner?"

Tegoshi looked at the box on the table, poking it listlessly. "Shige brought it to work this morning.” He turned big eyes on to Nagase. “I'm supposed to be getting it to Ninomiya-kun somehow because it's Hina's."

Nagase's brows raised. "Well that’s stupid. If it's Hina's, shouldn't you be getting it to Hina?"

"I'm just saying what Shige said," Tegoshi said, lips pushing out in a frowning pout.

"Well then Shige's an idiot and he should be getting it to Nino. But," Nagase said. He stroked a beard he didn't have. "I might be able to get it to him..."

Tegoshi perked up, moving in for the kill. "Really, _sempai_? That would be so great – I have no idea what Ninomiya-kun’s schedule is like or how to find him."

Nagase clapped Tegoshi on the shoulder. "Yakiniku for dinner, then, and you can pay for me to bring it back!"

He pulled Tegoshi out to his favorite restaurant before his junior could complain.

("It's WHERE?"

Tegoshi winced. He let the tiniest tremor enter his voice. "I left it with Nagase-kun, because Unubore's filming at TBS and that's where you seem to spend most of your time."

"I... thanks, Tegocchi. I think."

Tegoshi beamed. "You're welcome, Ninomiya-kun!")

\------

_Ikuta Toma_

It was only very shortly after 5 in the morning when Toma found himself face to face with a Tupperware full of meat. He yelped and jumped, all vestages of sleep effectively shocked out of him. If he looked around the Tupperware, Toma could make out Nagase standing behind the Tupperware (hovering dangerously close to his eyes) and grinning.

"Your favorite sempai made you lunch," Nagase said proudly, "Just make sure the Tupperware gets back to Nino."

Toma blinked. He tilted his head back, focusing on Nagase's face instead of the threatening corner of plastic. "Uh..."

"Now you say 'thank you, marvelous Nagase-kun'," Nagase supplied.

"Thank you?" Toma repeated.

"Close enough," Nagase said. He picked up Toma's hand and pressed it to the side of the Tupperware. As soon as Toma's hand closed reflexively around it, he let go. "Don't forget that it goes back to Nino."

Toma looked long and hard at the Tupperware after Nagase had gone off to discuss something with the director. He groaned loudly. A concerned gopher looked up - Toma offered her a weak smile.

At least he had lunch? Toma cast a wary eye over the contents, shaking the container. It didn't make suspicious noises. It was probably edible.

(Toma called Nino that night. After exchanging some pleasantries about work, during which Toma didn't look away once from the Tupperware, he finally got to the point. "So, uh, Nino?"

"Yeah?"

"Nagase-kun gave me a Tupperware full of mostly-raw meat for lunch and said I should return it to you."

There was silence.

"I took out the meat already."

Silence reigned.

Toma bit his lip. "Nino?"

"... Tell Nagase that he might not remember it, but I know where he sleeps, what he sleeps with, and have pictures. Many pictures. Now. When can you make it over to TBS?")

\------

_Takizawa Hideaki_

Toma never did make it to TBS with the Tupperware.

What he did do was get a call from Takki, who was having a man's night out because his play was over and he hadn't done anything with anyone in _ages_. It turned out that the man's night was code for 'Takki and Toma', since everybody else in the world was busy and Takki wasn't above lying to guilt Toma into coming.

At least Takki was willing to pay, unlike several other of his _sempai_ that Toma could name.

But Toma didn't count on Takki coming home with him. Takki was free - inasmuch as anyone in the company was free - and Toma didn't have to go into filming for Unubore until late the next night. His mistake was telling Takki that. Takki took it as a signal that being looser with his inhibitions was okay, and a drunk Takki was a persistent Takki, and a persistent Takki really, really hated 'no'.

Toma never had been able to say no to his _sempai_ , and anyway it had been a really long time since he and Takki had hung out. So they drank, and drank, and switched from beer to liquor, and went to another bar, and had something that resembled food, and while the night was still young, maybe before it was old, or whatever, they were both pretty drunk.

Takki had come in his car, so it was only right for Toma to invite Takki back to his place to crash. Except that they were too wired to sleep, and they'd probably both been hungry because they'd been out for so long. Toma must have pushed food on Takki to eat, or maybe Takki had expressed some interest in the leftovers that were prevalent in Toma's kitchen.

That was the only way to explain why, exactly, Hina's Tupperware was mysteriously gone from Toma's kitchen when he went looking for a snack after getting home from Unubore.

("Nino-kun? You know how I love and adore you and think you're the best actor in the company, right?"

Nino sighed, long and with feeling. "Who has it now?")

\------

_Kamenashi Kazuya_

Takki invited Kame to stay at his house a few days later, since both of them had coinciding free days and Takki was pretty sure Kame hung out with members of Arashi - or at least with _someone_ who had time enough to convey Tupperware to their dressing room. Kame looked confused when he received the package, but he was used to Takki's maddness and didn't question the plan.

("Kame-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan," Nino wailed on his phone that night. "Tell me you have the Tupperware."

"I have the Tupperware," Kame repeated dutifully.

"Tell me you can bring it to TBS."

"I can bring it to TBS."

"Can you really?" Nino asked, sounding suddenly much happier.

"Sorry. I can't really, Nino-kun, but I can probably get it to someone who can."

Ninomiya whimpered.)

\------

_Nishikido Ryo_

Kame moved slowly through the halls of Fuji. He'd thought that he might be able to drop the Tupperware off at the production office for VS, but there hadn't been anybody in sight. Figuring they were probably in production meetings - which could take all day - and knowing that even if he'd left a note on top of the Tupperware it would be rude to just leave it there, he'd abandoned the idea. But Arashi didn't do anything else on Fuji, and he wasn't about to go skulking through every TV studio building in Tokyo.

Kame contemplated the Tupperware in his hands before shoving it back into his bag. There had to be someone...

The promotional poster of JOKER caught his eye. Ryo's face stared back at him. Kame perked up a little. He just had to ask what floor they were filming on, and his new plan could be put into motion.

A quick ask around gave him three people who didn't know and one person who could finally tell him that the JOKER cast was probably out on location since the day was actually sunny, but if Kame really wanted to try he was welcome to. Kame went down to their floor, just in case.

And snuck up behind Ryo when he got there, just because it was fun to watch Ryo jump nearly half his height into the air when he was surprised.

"Kame! What're you doing here?" Ryo demanded, gasping for breath.

Kame smiled. "I have a present for you to give to Murakami, or, failing that, to give to someone who can give it to Ninomiya-kun to give to Murakami."

Ryo raised his eyebrows. "The Tupperware?"

"You heard?"

Ryo nodded. "Ninomiya-kun called to complain about it a few days ago. Apparently it's been passing through the company for the last month."

Kame smiled a little. "He's very distressed by it, I take it."

Ryo held out his hand. "I'll take it. I'm meeting up with Matsumoto tomorrow."

It was with some relish that Kame handed the plastic container over.

("Nishiki!"

"Don't sound _so_ surprised to hear from me, Ninomiya-kun," Ryo said. "I thought we were friends."

Nino laughed a little. "Are you calling to tell me that you have Hina's Tupperware?"

"Yes."

"Then we are best friends for life."

"I have to give it to Matsumoto-kun, though," Ryo said. "I'm seeing him tomorrow and I'm with NEWS all week."

"That's fine, I trust Jun with it. Thanks, Nishiki.")

\------

_Matsumoto Jun_

"This is the Tupperware that Nino's been killing himself over, huh?" Jun asked. He poked the offending box. "Doesn't look like much."

"I think it's more that it's Hina's," Ryo offered mildly. "He's a scary bastard when he locks onto something."

Jun laughed. "Tell him not to worry so much. He's got enough wrinkles."

Ryo sputtered around a mouthful of water, wiping his mouth as he laughed. "I'm tagging your name to it, though."

Jun shrugged gracefully and grinned. He put the Tupperware into his bag and stood. "Then you can foot tonight's bill."

(Jun called Nino as soon as he got home.

"Jun," Nino answered immediately, "Darling, love of my life, purveyor of all things fantastic and amazing and sparkly, tell me it's good news."

Jun almost wished they didn't have a phone to separate them; Nino probably would have put up a great act if they'd been face to face. "It's good news. I've got it. I'll bring it tomorrow."

"I will have the staff make a shrine to your great name," Nino said reverently.

Mario got some coins in the background. Sometimes Jun really had to envy the man's abilities.)

\------

_Ninomiya Kazunari_

Nino thought he might cry when Jun came into work and pulled Hina's Tupperware out of his bag. He'd never been so happy to see bits of plastic before in his life.

\------

_Murakami Shingo_

Maruyama had not been expecting the door to open so soon after it had closed. It was even more unexpected that not one of his band mates, but Ninomiya should be the one who stepped through, clutching a plastic box to his chest.

"Oh, Ninomiya-kun," said Maru, smiling widely from the couch. "What brings you to our lowly dressing room?"

"Everybody needs a bit of greatness in their life," Nino said airly, looking around the room. "This is Kanjani's dressing room."

"Yes," said Maru.

"And Hina is here."

"Yes. He went to get coffee with Subaru."

"But he will come back."

"Yeah, give him a few minutes."

"No, I think I'll stay."

"Okay..." Maru said slowly, tilting his head. He motioned to the couch, and Nino went to sit by him. He continued to clutch the plastic box, like it would disappear if he let go of it. Maru shrugged - he'd seen stranger things. "... Do you want a pudding?"

Nino jerked a little, then shook his head. "No, thanks. I just need to give his back to Hina before someone else takes it and sends it to the moon."

Maru peered at the plastic box. "That's Hina's?"

Nino nodded. "Hina made me niku-jaga ages ago and I've been trying to get it back to him for a _month_."

Maru furrowed his brow. "So you- wait." His eyes widened. "Hina made you niku-jaga? Hina never makes us _anything_." He pounced on Nino as best he could, which was easy considering Nino had his arms full, and pressed his face in close, making the best angry face he could. "Are you seeing my daughter, Ninomiya-kun? What are your intentions, kid? I'll have your head if you got her pregnant."

"Who got someone pregnant?"

Maru looked up, smiled, and bounced off Nino to run to Hina. He wrapped his arms around Hina, careful of the coffee, and patted his head comfortingly. "Nino got you pregnant, didn't he?"

Subaru perked up. "Nino's here?"

In answer, Nino's hand made an appearance over the couch and waved. Subaru leaned over the back of it. "I hear you knocked up Hina."

They could hear the grin in Nino's voice. "What can I say? I'm a stud."

"I thought I told you, young lady," Maru continued, "you're not allowed to date until you're twenty."

Hina swatted Maru over the head - nonetoogently - and rolled his eyes. "Why is Nino-kun on our couch?"

"I have your Tupperware."

Hina poked his head over the back of the couch and crooked a brow. "Nino-kun... that's not mine."

Nino sat straight up, his eyes wide and expression anguished. Hina held a straight face for exactly thirty seconds. Nino grew progressively paler. Then Hina's lips twitched. Nino shrieked and lunged for him, regardless of the coffee. Maru caught the Tupperware before it hit the ground and watched Nino chase Hina around the dressing room.

Subaru sipped his coffee. "I guess he's not really the father."


End file.
